9. The Legendary Michael Jackson: Thank You!!!

8. FAT STORIES: Life's a Bench

I was sitting on the backless bench in the magazine area of Barnes and Noble one day, reading quite a fascinating book, the Alchemist. Now if you know B and N, you'll know the magazine section carries a lot of foot traffic, but I'm usually content to sit on the bench and read my book(s) as people walk by or in front of me. I'm usually immersed in my book, thus not distracted.

But one day last week, I noticed a strange occurrence and I wondered if it has anything to do with my size. A younger white guy sat down on the bench where I was sitting, and it wasn't that he sat down, it was how he sat down. I always sit on the very end of the bench, about 5-6 feet in length, as to leave enough space for anyone else to sit. Well said white guy sat down not at the end, but at the VERY end of the bench and was noticeably, but slightly turned away from me. So I thought, "Hmph... that's strange. Well, maybe that's just how he likes to sit." I thought it was weird, but certainly no big deal So I kept reading... UNTIL THE NEXT DAMN GUY SAT DOWN!! I mean, not even 15 minutes after the last guy got up, here comes a second white guy, with his magazine in hand, sitting down as if the bench is covered in vomit and his ass found the only dry place on the very edge of the bench. He, too, was turned opposite me. Now I'm thinking, "This is one hell of a coincidence. Or it might be just me they don't want to sit next to."

When it happened the next day and the next day, and I realize that it was a different guy every time, I began to feel self-conscious. And then a little bit sad, because it's instances like these that remind me that to the majority of people, I am nothing but a package, a body, and if that package isn't pretty, I essentially am of little value. My tipping point came today, when this young couple sat down, first the guy, ALLLLLL the way at the opposite end of the bench, then the female, I presume to be his girlfriend. Now get this, there was a HUGE gap in the middle, but she took her ass to the opposite end around him and I heard her say, "scoot over" as if to say, "I don't want to sit in that gap there, because it's next to the fat black lady. I'd rather sit on the edge here, with my left ass cheek hanging off." He inched over, so both of them sat squished up at the end. I wanted to say, "I don't bite, you f*cktards!" I stood up and walked away instead.

I might be over reacting. I might all be on big coincidence that occurs on a near daily basis in bookstores around the world. It could be all in my head. I could be ultra sensitive. Those are all (unlikely) possibilities. But the feeling I get when people sit next to me is not one that gives me the "warm and fuzzies." It makes me resent public opinion and I feel... Undesirable. Somewhat freak show-ish even. What people think doesn't play a role in who I am or who I will ultimately become, but their inadvertent body language still hurts my ego.

I don't believe I'll be sitting on the magazine benches for a while.

7. Belief and Expectation: I bleed GREATNESS!

There used to be a time in this weight loss journey, that I would be amazed at my success. The mere fact that I met weight loss goals for 3 consecutive weeks was somewhat mind blowing. It sounds silly but it's true. But after those first 3 weeks, something peculiar happened. Hitting my weekly goals (or coming very close to them) became the norm and the expectation.

I can remember the days when I would set goals, and know, as I was writing them, that I would not reach them. It's pretty sad. I'd write the goals down in my journals. Program them into my blackberry. Write them on my wall calendar. The benchmark days came and went, as they always do. The pounds...well they stayed. And at the end of each month, when I saw that I didn't reach my goal, I used it as an excuse to stay fat. As an excuse to keep doubting and downing myself. An excuse to be mediocre. My self-talk was negative and so was my outlook, not only on weight loss, but on life.

They say hindsight is 20/20 and I can certainly attest to that. I realize now, that what I was missing back then was the belief that I could succeed. What did it matter that I wrote my goals down in three separate places? I knew I wasn't going to achieve them anyway. But 2009 is the year of expectation. I set a goal believing I can reach it, thus ushering in the expectation that I will reach it. It's really a beautiful relationship, belief and expectation.

By creating meaningful reasons for losing this weight, I've come to believe that I deserve ALL the things I want, and that attaining these things are very possible. Among these reasons are living longer, running faster, falling in love and taking more risks in life. As a result, I hold myself in higher esteem. In fact, I dare myself to set a weight loss goal, and doubt my ability to reach it. I'd slap myself, then say, "Wake up, fool! It's already yours. You just have to go over and GRAB it!!!"

This is what I honestly believe, and it doesn't just apply to weight loss. Because I am knocking my goals off one by one, with ease, and witnessing the awakening of the sleeping giant that is the power within me, the little peep hole of possibility has now become a gaping hole of probability. It is no longer, "I wish." The phrase is "I will." I will reach my goal weight. I will turn heads. I will move to New York. I will write a novel. I will be happy. I will be great. I will live my life in it's FULLNESS. Along the way, I look forward to the task of turning obstacles into opportunities.

And all this time, I was the only person standing in my way.

6. Before And After #2: Still Chuggin' Along...

I am so glad that I had the bright idea to document my weight loss (for the world to see!). Not only does this keep me accountable, but it will be something I can point to as a major accomplishment in my life. Looking at my latest Before/After video, I guess I have no choice but to notice the changes that my body is making. From week to week, I admit, they aren't that noticeable. But when compared 2 and 3 months apart, it has to be said that I am most definitely doing my thing.

Some days are tough. Some entire weeks are tough. But seeing my hard work manifested in physical improvements, coupled with emotional tranquility, it makes this journey worthwhile. I'm basically getting to know my capabilities for the first time, and sometimes I wonder what the hell took me so long to get this ball rolling! I mean, I could have had a lot more fun in college!

Even still, I'll take this journey now over next year. Because the truth is, it's only now that I am equipped to put forth the qualities that makes the completion of this journey possible. Dedication, hard work, persistence, appreciation of success, forgiveness of failures and love for oneself.

It's in this journey that I'm learning that my true value lies within me.

5: Eat Less + Move More = Weight Loss, Carbs or no carbs.

When starting on a new exercise and diet program, it's easy to become obsessed with the numbers: Am I getting enough grams of protein? How many ounces of water should I be drinking for my weight? I wonder if 30 minutes of exercise is even good enough. The list goes on.

However, a study published this year by the New England Journal of Medicine helped to assuage some of those concerns that ultimately don't have that great of an impact (not by themselves, anyway). The study stated that in order for a person to lose weight and successful keep the lost pounds at bay, he or she simply needs to cut down on the calories consumed and burn more calories via exercise. Protein to carb ratio matters not. Just eat fewer calories than your body burns in a day, do this on a very regular basis and weight loss will be a welcome side effect. Below this post is a video that addresses the study in more detail.

Upon reading the article which contained the information regarding this study, one part of me said, "Well, duh! I already knew that much!" But the other part of me was relieved that I could still indulge in a cookie every once in a while... and still lose weight.

To that I say, "Whew!"